Floating up above the sofa, perhaps I've gone past the atmosphere. Who knows or cares. I have work in two hours, but I'm getting a ride so I'm not worried. Nothing could worry me. I should take some more speed before i leave. I took my 3 20mg adderall 2 hours ago, but it can't keep up with hydrocodone. I'm going to talk to my doctor about taking something without acetaminophen. 1300 mg of tylenol a day stresses your liver. But it don't stress me too much. The hydrocodone isn't working for my pain unless I take them at the same time. I cant wait to see pain management on March 30th and ask. I'm gonna call tomorrow and ask about taking two at a time to help cover all my pain.
My arms are so heavy and tired. Almost too tired to hold this tablet. The beige room with the gray sky shining in behind the tree seems to blanket me as I keep sinking in. I'm trying to float on the surface, so I won't nod out even as it beckons me.
I have begun a job as a pharmacy tech in training. I love it. I want to be a pharmacist. I want to know everything about these chemicals that change us so completely. They keep us well, or at least help us believe we are. I am not going to fuck this up. I am going to work hard to keep on the straight and narrow. I only take what I'm prescribed now, and I feel at least somewhat in control. R holds on to the pills for the future week. He is the best. He takes care of me so well. I am lucky to have him here.
I used up my script early last week. Lope (loperamide--the opiate Imodium) is what kept me well. Thank dog for that. I was still uncomfortable and sick, but at least I could go to orientation and training. I went to my pharmacy and explained that the directions had changed, from 3 to 4 pills a day. They filled it 4 days early. I love the tech who knows me, he is so helpful.
I'm going to let the couch swallow me now, until my face is the only part of me floating on the top. A nap for an hour couldn't hurt.
I love you all,
Lucy
