As per usual, an unforced error on my part has sent me scrambling to find a new doctor... I fucked up, coming up positive months ago for morphine in my urine screen due to some poppy seed tea. Then, apparently, I also hadn't come up positive for oxycodone in my urine... whoops. That's because I was taking it before I got close to my testing dates. Although, I'm shocked that it wouldn't be in there at all, given that I've been on these meds for years and even a couple days without it shouldn't remove it entirely from my system.
That hot flush smacked me, as I felt all the blood enter my face. Luckily, R had driven me and was in the room when the conversation occurred. Imagine the horror of having to explain that whole experience to my parents. I can't even process that thought.
I've decided to call my doctor before him, who kicked me out because I came up positive for coke twice. However, he told me that it was just a "trial separation," and I could come back if I didn't like my new doctor. That's one way of putting it.
He's the best doctor I've had since I moved out here, and would really prefer to go back to seeing him. I'm nervous about calling him tomorrow and asking to come back. The concern that he'll tell me no is there--it is an overwhelming fear I have. The anxiety I feel about calling is nothing compared to what I feel about getting off opioids. The pain and withdrawal looms over me, as I know that, unless I call or find a new doctor, that'll be my fate.
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4 days later and I still haven't called. Perhaps I'm simply putting off the inevitable or facing the true dire situation I've set up.
