Bye Bye Cocaine, Hello Poppies

The Tea is addicting... I had read that before I had started taking it because, let's face it, it's morphine and codeine which are obviously very addictive. The best part is for my arthritis (I mean, the really BEST part is the high), my whole body feels so much better, even the muscles in my ribcage and discs in my spine.

Tonight I'm seeing my friend from college, who is now moving back to D.C.. I already  miss her a lot. Supposedly, I'm going to meet them at 11pm after they go to a show, but I'm not sure if this is really going to occur. I don't know, my friends have all kind of dropped off from talking to me. It is probably because I had been too depressed/anxious to come out of the apartment a few months ago, and then became addicted to the cocoa, so I have been void this whole half a year. It feels like I don't have any real friends anymore, or at least not any that I can turn to an confide in. This has been known to drive me deeper into depression, as I've experienced this before a few times. Tonight will be good, even if it is sad to see her go. I hope that she comes back to visit soon, and that we can get enough cash together to go to D.C.. The other friend that I'm seeing is moving as well, but only to the Upper East Side--across the water from where I live, luckily. I think that one of my other friends may be reading this, who is also named Lucy. Her knowing my problems with drugs again maybe why she isn't hanging out with me, especially with the shit I've put her through in the past with my issues. I feel rather bad as she's my best friend from college.

I don't know, I just hate to think that I've lost myself  and all of my friends because of that damn powder. Feeling horrible about it and my actions isn't enough, it seems I have given everything away for it--what a shity trade.

Now I'm itching all over. Contentedly, overwhelmingly, high. Whatever to the rest of the world. At least I'll see my friends later, and that is a better high than any drug.

A Pleasant Surprise

Morphine pumps through my brain, rolls around my arms, slides down to my feet, like the mercury from a broken thermometer spreading across the bathroom floor (one of my first memories as a child). I feel higher than I've ever been in my life on opiates, or at least not a high I've gotten to in many years. What a horrible way to waste my young liver, when I could have been wasting it on Tea. And now I remember why I always loved opiates. Somewhere I had lost it during all he coke, but now it's all returned. The scar on my left arm is numb and tingly, as if it remembers too.

This could be dangerous. At least it's not as dangerous as coke monetarily... I feel so idiotic wasting all that money, when I could've been getting THIS high. R is asleep now; warn out from a manic episode this morning after a night without sleep, and then a day full of morphine induced euphoria. I was annoyed at myself because he was even higher than me, since he has no tolerance for opiates--not his deal. I drank the last cup to myself, and he

I could almost nod out right now, the room is a blur of color in front of me, and it feels as if I've lost my stomach in my throat. I want to live here and never ever leave.

I'm tripping somehow, almost. My face is becoming itchy, as it always used to. The parquet floors seem to be sinking in around the bookcase, as if the entire room was really a sink hole. My head is swimming in pleasure, opiate goodness. Thank god I already fed the bunny and gave him water. Now time to wrap myself up in bed, and let myself indulge in this bliss.