So Close

I was doing so well, while riding the wave of an opiate free say without withdrawal. It felt great being free, besides a headache that couldn't stop pulling me down. My parents and I walked around the used car lots, and looked at the various cars. There was finally one that we all agreed was the one, besides a missing spare tire cover in the back and a strange message on my dad's engine reader about emission cylinders.  Hopefully, I'll soon be riding in my own car once again. I miss the knowledge that no one else is waiting on me or having to hide anything only meant for my eyes.

Back on the sofa, all the world outside has fallen away. I couldn't refuse the gnawing need for opiates, and made myself some tea. Now I could almost nod out. I don't know why I'd ever decide to deny myself these moments together with Sister Midnignt. Perhaps the lack of the sickness has made me forget how bad it is back stuck in the vicious circle. Once my new script comes to fruition, I wonder if I'll take it as needed, or go back to regular dosing. No matter what, I don't want to stop now. I guess I'm simply a fucking junky until the end.

I hate when people lie and pretend that abusing med doesn't mean they're a junky or out of control. It's easier to get high in deep denial, and refuse the label so lovingly bestowed on us. I consider my title a moment of pride, from what I've overcome and who I will become.

From your favorite junky,
Love, Lucy