But it's never enough. Klonopin, and adderall, and kratom, and Cider: oh my...god I need to add more to this combo apparently.
....a day later....
My doctor prescribed me a transdermal buprenorphine patch for my pain. He has convinced my mother that "narcotic" medications will cause me to be in more pain because you create more opiate receptors (aka tolerance). It's hard to balance my desire to be high and pain free, I want less pain but goddamit if I'm not a junky at heart. I mean, if my option was to take like a fentanyl patch, it'd be on me in a heartbeat--but bupe is generally used for withdrawal. I have a very low opiate tolerance right now (but high enough not to feel 5mg hydrocodone), since I've been mostly using kratom, which means it should work.
It's beginning to kick in. My head feels heavy, and warm, with my plush blanket I feel completely peaceful. I think I could almost nod off if I let myself. A bit of the patch may have also fell into my mouth and has probably helped. Tingling pleasure rolls up and down my body, like tiny marbles... not as good as that immediate opiate pleasure but better than nothing.
The living room goes out of focus, the light above blurs into a halo, and my mind goes black.
Lucy
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