Pull All the Triggers

It's comical how easily, when in a heightened state, I can be triggered into diving into a bottle of pills or snorting them all up my nose. Not enough doses until my appointment, but I don't care. Fuck it, right?

RIGHT?

If I could mooch off my friends, find someone to help me cop, I would... any trace amount of H gets out of your system within 24 hours. Faster than any other opioid I know of, only followed by hydrocodone.

I took 2 sonata to help me sleep. Take the edge off my running nose, clenching fist, that sinking feeling in my stomach. Uncontrollable thoughts circle every movement. It all points to oblivion. I don't have anyone to talk about it with... all alone with these thoughts. The overwhelming current that pulls me back in.

All triggered by a fucking TV show.

I keep yawning out here, between typing and suck on this cigarette. The cold breeze keeps running across my feet. Shivers that want to run through my body,but I hold them back. Stop them up until my foot is tapping and my heart is racing and all I want is more more more more. Please god. Just enough to get me through until Thursday. To keep me high until then.

They post up all this "opioid hysteria" on TV. But is it really to make us feel better? Like we're not so alone. It could only be for those concerned families, so worried about their little Danny's and Susie's pill or H problem.

But for Lucy and Danny and Susie, all we get is a reminder of who we are. Our reflection played out by actors shivering and sniveling, but don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

Please let me sleep, dream of needles and powders and pills, and I'll be good tomorrow.

I promise. Tomorrow.