Oh the Brain Zaps!

My doctor never got back to me, so now I'm going cold turkey off of 225 mg of Effexor. This is day 3. My nerves send shocks down from the top of my skull out through my finger tips or feet, it happens whenever I turn my head or take a step. Whenever I eat, my stomach clenches a within 20 minutes, and my body empties out everything I put in. My sleep, unsurprisingly, hasn't changed from 12 to 14 hours a day, but it now makes me feel a bit better to sleep that long. My dreams are strange like normal. I feel emotionally better, like I'm doing the right thing, besides the occasional moments of deep sadness--the way you feel when you think about a loved one or pet, who is recently deceased, like there is no way that hole they have created can ever be filled. I want to get off of this shit though, and be free. It is also dangerous because antidepressants have been linked to a higher incidence of diabetes, which my family has a history of (and my father was recently diagnosed with). I think what bothers me the most is the feeling of weakness that comes with the "brain zaps" and the feeling that my eyes are kind of rattling in my skull, like I'm not in full control of them.

I guess doing cocaine and smoking weed while getting off of them is probably not recommended. Then again, I never stopped while I was on them, so stopping once off of them, seems stupid. One thing that is helping is watching dumb/comedic shows on TV, laughing and enjoying myself is making me feel a lot better.`Tonight my boyfriend (R) is taking me to the movies to see the Great Gatsby and to dinner. I'm so excited! We haven't been to the movies in months, and the Great Gatsby looks great. I'm not so sure how 3-D is going to effect me, but hopefully it won't fuck with me too much. I'm not sure what kind of food we should get, I've been really feeling Italian lately, but I'd be down for anything besides Mexican or Indian (my stomach already has enough to deal with).

I figure taking this day by day and dealing with the withdrawal effects will be so worth it in the end, that I might as well make the best of it and try to be positive.

Enjoy your Memorial Day weekends!
- Lucy