"Controlled substances, without the control."

Transportation outside sounds like voices vibrating through the walls. The subway passes louder than the planes overhead, I watch out the window of the cars looking down upon my apartment building. I can see myself on the futon I'm actually sitting on. Nowhere to go, so no subway rides for me.

Tonight I mixed together a classy combo of coke, speed, a tiny bit of poppy tea, some kratom, and a klonopin to fight off my constant sense that the ground is crumbling under me. Weed was smoked, but only a small amount on my part. Sometimes I think that the majority of 'Muricans partakes in weed. Maybe it's because I'm still so young.

Even under everything there is a nawwing desire for more. Jim was right, "someone screams for less, someone screams for more." Then again, my whole theory about "Jealous Twin" is that your jealous twin is the mirror's reflection under the line you're snorting, because they don't get any of those drugs you're inhaling. At the moment I want speeeeed or more pst. Coke is too much of a flirt, I like the ones that stick around. But they're hard to quit. Tonight I'm set on finding some new tricks/treats to add to my repertoire.

Time to make more teaaaaaa...

Pupil check=no difference, but I start to feel it in my stomach--a slight head rush, as I shake-shake-shake the next batch. Cop cars sirens and bullets rain out throughout the game, as R dies on his motorcycle.

2nd batch, and suddenly I feel it race around my head and chest. OH jesus.

3rd batch, seems the best, but maybe it's all of them combining. R and I split only half of what I sometimes do alone, so I'm not too worried about it. I get this batch all to myself. (You don't have to say it, I know I'm tempting fate with a combo like I've taken tonight, but I guess that's what makes fate interesting.(I prefer to think of fate the way the Romans did, your life is a string with certain knots on it--each knot is an experience you must reach, no matter what you do to get to the next)).

Now I'm rambling more than usual, so I'll stop typing for now.

Good morning Friday!
-Lucy