Tea Time and Kratom too

It's really strange this show "Elementary." I think it's mostly because of how large an impact Trainspotting had on my teenage experience, especially because I watched it on the nod dozens of times (it was chosen after a while because whenever I'd come to I knew exactly what was happening). Is it my head or my lungs that feels as if it could jump out of my chest, rise up and fly away? The joy falls back down and runs over my head.

The rabbit is watching me from his cage--annoyed that I'm up and he's not allowed to run around. He's lately been pissing on the futon whenever he is allowed out at night. At least when he poops it's not such a big deal, since they're tiny and dry (easy to brush off of any surface and vacuumed up). But his pee reeks now that he is all grown up. Today I introduced him to the taste of apples, which he greatly enjoyed. The sound of him biting down, was so cute, a tiny little bunny making such a loud crunch, his chin dripping with juice. He is hard to be mad at, that's for sure, but I'm trying to restrain myself from letting him out at this hour (which is the ONLY time he pees on it) and ruining our futon more.

I went to the psychiatrist today, who has reminded me that I need to find a more fulfilling job to help me figure out my future career... I'm not sure what I should do, but I'm thinking of applying to intern at some publishing house or magazine or other literary house. I enjoy writing, I am a lot better when I'm not totally stoned out, and I think with a lot more reading and practice I might be able to pull out a job in it.


.............................................................................................oh where was I? I don't know, life is so crazy, but right now it feels so simple, with the TV on and the rabbit winding down for night, myself lounging on the sofa, R is already asleep becuase he has to wake up in 6 hours. I think I'll stay up, maybe watch Craigy Ferguson like I used to in high school--so high and happy.

Tonight the darkness feels like a warm blanket wrapped around me. The City and all the strangers and their noise are silent finally, perhaps they've all nodded out already. I guess I'll join them.

Good night for now,
- Lucy

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Awake again. Sweaty and sticky from my few moments trying to sleep in bed, but instead waking up R to fuck and finally going back to watching TV after finishing. My longest friend (I've known her since elementary school) is on skype, so we shoot the shit about our days. Nothing new, but it is comforting. We've talked on AIM/Skype an a semi daily basis for most of our school and college years. Now that she lives in MN, and I'm in NY, it keeps us close...
....at the moment I'm ranting about the dangers of microwaves.

Nat Geo is blathering on about people abusing pills. I stumble on it blindly and smile. I wish I was as stocked as I was at 16, those were the days. Long Island caught on a few years after I did to the point now that ODs, car crashes, and rehab is almost always centering around pills/heroin. Our friend just got out of detox for a week. His parents sent him away or he would not be allowed to live there. A few days ago he called after we had finished dinner. R's on the phone for only a few minutes, sounding positive and upbeat, I watch him pace the floor. I guess I'm the negative one always, so I'm challenging him about how it makes sense that Jake would ask him to help him stay sober. R didn't have an answer besides saying that he is the only one who could talk Jake off the ledge when it comes down to it. I know that's true, but it seems silly. If anyone goes to rehab, and does it, then they should be fucking serious otherwise it's a waste of time... not that I can judge, but I've never gone to rehab and I've only quit because lack of suppppppplly.
Wait.
What?
Too stoned to make sense.

Sometimes I feel bad waatching the people around me get clean, but I know they're all going to be coming back right down like me because we've seen them all do it now hundreds of times, sometimes with different names and faces, but it's all the same.

A junkie is a junky is a junkee right?

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