Tea Time

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My eyes burn, but my arthritis no longer hurts and I feel so much more comfortable. So high. I can't imagine how much oxy I'd need to be to prescribed to stop my arthritis from hurting me. It's been so bad the past two nights I've been unable to sleep with out chemical help. I guess that's also the speed we've been taken recently.

It's all to keep me from being depressed out of my skull, wallowing and writhing in my wish for a purpose. That purpose seems to be drugs, and R and the rabbit. Now all I feel is

Sorry, I got my fingers ear deep on a cleaning rampage...still itching, full of thick wax. They're still doing that weird draining thing inside and out. I think it's because I have a deep set infection in them, or because of the black mold on the ceiling of our bath(tub)ceiling.

Midnight is curled up under the sofa...nowait, now he's on his deck outside his cage--perfect place for a bath? Middnight wholeheartedly agrees.
Commotion in the hallway, and he pauses, but then back to bathing.
I listen, but then all we hear is running water, and I feel like I should piss. When I close my eyes I get those chills of goodness-god-holy-sizzle of opiates from my crotch to my head, and I am so happy, I think I should make a tiny bit more tea....

nonono, Idk, I have made it but I'm not sure if I should drink it. My stomach shoots with pain ever few moments, and I wonder what's happening in there. KnockKnock, are you okay there behind my navel?? Fuck, I need to go see a real doctor, my body is in poor shape, but I know they'll know about what I'm doing maybe.... I mean, my parents still don't talk about my teenage drug problem, so now that I'm 22 I don't think they could find out unless I authorized it. Sometimes I wonder if they've picked up and are waiting to spring. But their absence of springing makes that seem unlikely. I don't know how they would let it go on for so long if they knew, and cared, so I guess either they have shite for brains, or don't care. And I don't seem to want to stop, I just trade drug for drug for drug...besides when with my parents (well half the time).

I fulfilled my prophecy I began at 11, when I realized all I wanted to be was a junky. That was definitely not the aim of D.A.R.E., but heroin became a fascination for me. Junkies. Iggy Pop and Trainspotting spun round until I found those glorious pills dolled out in huge quantities before everyone and their daughter started popping them.

Anyway, sleep times.
Good night and sweet dreams!
-Lucy